THE SERENITY LETTER | NO. 03

You Don’t Have to Explain Every Version of Yourself

As-salamu ‘alaykum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh,

Lately, I've been thinking about how much we change as we move through different seasons of life.

There are things I once had time for that I don't anymore. Things I used to enjoy that no longer interest me in the same way. There are also decisions I would probably make differently today, not necessarily because the old version of me was wrong, but because I know myself differently now.

One uncomfortable part of growth is realising that other people may not always understand those changes.

Sometimes people know us according to who we were when they met us. They remember what we used to say yes to, how available we used to be, what we tolerated, or even what we once wanted for ourselves. And when those things begin to change, it can feel as though we owe everyone an explanation.

I have felt that pressure too.

There are times when I have found myself explaining a decision far more than necessary because I wanted the other person to understand that I wasn't trying to be difficult or distant. I simply wanted something different, needed to protect my time, or realised that what worked for me before wasn't working anymore.

I am learning that there is a difference between communicating with kindness and constantly needing people to approve of the choices I make.

That doesn't mean we should become careless about how our decisions affect others. Growth is not an excuse to disregard people, break commitments, or become unkind in the name of “protecting our peace.” There are times when an explanation is necessary, an apology is needed, or a conversation deserves to be had.

But there are also times when a simple, respectful answer is enough.

As I grow older, I am becoming more comfortable with the fact that not everyone will understand every decision I make. I won't always understand theirs either. What matters more to me is being able to ask myself whether the choices I am making are pleasing to Allah, consistent with my values, and appropriate for the season of life I am actually in.

That last part matters because sometimes we keep trying to live according to a version of ourselves that no longer exists.

Maybe you are noticing that in your own life too. You may be becoming more careful about your time, more intentional about your relationships, more serious about your faith, or simply more aware of what you can and cannot carry.

You don't have to be ashamed of that growth.

And you don't have to have everything figured out before you are allowed to make a different choice.

I certainly don't. I am still learning when to explain, when to listen, when to reconsider, and when to quietly stand by a decision I know I have made thoughtfully.

For me, that is part of growing too.

A Du‘a for Us

May Allah guide us as we grow and change. May He give us wisdom to recognise what needs to remain in our lives and what we need to release, and protect us from making decisions simply for the approval of people.

May He keep our hearts sincere, our character gentle, and our choices pleasing to Him.

Ameen.

Until the next letter,

Khadeejah

600 1st Ave, Ste 330 PMB 92768, Ottawa, ON K2J 5W7
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